Saturday, July 28, 2012

Control Freaks....Thoughts?

OK so I have dealt with certain control freaks in my time, but it seems that recently I have encountered it like a bloody religion! What makes a person want to control another person? Especially their spouse or companion? I mean get real! WTF? An individual marries another individual after falling in love with them just as they are! AFTER they tie the imaginary knot, suddenly you're not good enough! You must conform to the way they think you should be. What they don't realize, is you were this way when they married or dated you...so why change that? I'll tell you why...They are insecure and afraid...Cowards really, with a capital C! Men...You don't "let" your wife or "allow' her to do things! Shes your wife, not your Daughter!!  Women, you don't "let" your Husband spend his own money! He earned it...I mean come on! Why not love them for who they are? A piece of advice if you want to keep them...Re-evaluate whats important and get back to that first love...Ease up on the control issues before they become bitter and resent you for it! 50% of divorces are due to resentment. Women don't cheat because they want sex...They cheat because they want acceptance! Men cheat because sex is usually withheld. Why not allow a person to be themselves, live their dreams...I'd bet the farm the sex wouldn't be withheld...Try it~

12 comments:

  1. Well hello....deep thoughts so early in the morning....lol. I don't have much to expound on this one, Ditter.....you hit the nail right on the head. I have never understood the mentality of "I will change him/her" once we are married. No you can't....they are who they are and every individual should stay true to their desires, wants, and dreams. You either accept them or leave them the f*ck alone. If you want a doll/robot, then buy one. And never, EVER let another individual tell you what to think, how to act, or hold you back from your dreams and needs. I am so thankful that I have someone who accepts me just the way I am and loves me unconditionally. Gosh, I did have something to say...lol!

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  2. Great article! Being insecure can really destroy a relationship. The whole parent-child thing doesn't work, children grow up and move on. When you have to compromise who you are to please someone else, the price is too high. It fosters resentment and everybody loses. And what does that message tell our kids?? Bottom line that is not love in my opinion. It's fear. And we teach people how to treat us. So where is our self-esteem in all of this? If our own spouses or partners don't accept us for who we are, than what's the point of being together? The last person in the world that should be judging me is my husband, the person who is suppose to be my best friend.

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    1. OMG DENEEN, that last sentence.....beautiful.....I couldn't have said it better myself...

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  3. I hate control freaks. I hate the thought that one is being treated like an employee and not a spouse. The most horrible feeling in the world is being an adult, being in a marrage and feeling you have no say.. no control. That you can't be who you are, who you dream to be. It is even worse when you can't speak of your dreams to your other half without fear of rejection or made to feel stupid. Where in the contract of marrage does it say... "you will not be yourself if your spouse does not like it?" I don't get down with that. You married me for me. You knew how I was when we married and now you want to bitch. FUCK THAT! Pack you bags and get the fuck out! I wont change who I AM because YOU changed. Those issues need to be worked out on the controllers part. They have the issue if they changed. Not the one who is suffering because the bitch baby is not happy. AGAIN. FUCK THAT. FUCK YOU... GET OFF MY JUNK!

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    1. This is a touchy subject for me. I will compromise in a relationship. I will make sure each of us are happy with ourself and we feel like we have a fulfilled life. I will not.. REPEAT WILL NOT let anyone.. husband or pope tell me what I can and can't do. Fuck that! I am an adult.. i married as an adult.. I don't need a daddy sense I never had one to begin with. I have told my husband this thousand times over. You want to control someones life? Control your own. Don't step on my toes when you know how bad I can make life be. If I want to go out and get shit faced drunk and call every number in my cell while puking.. he better be there holding the phone and my hand. Its called support.

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  4. Good points everyone. i don't understand people who wish to control others. Personally, when i am in a relationship, i don't fight. i will agree to disagree. if they or i am not able to agree then its time to leave it alone. accept that you are different, thrive on it. embrace what makes you who you are and who they are. there was something you liked before, what changed? And if it is something you can't get passed, then grow up and deal with it with respect.

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  5. I can never understand how someone can say they love you so much, but yet not support the things that mean so much to you. I have had my share of men who tried to "control" me. If there is trust and respect which are two important ingredients to any healthy relationship, then there shoudl never be an urgent need to control. When you are withthe right person, and they love you the right way your joys should be doubled because you share them together and your sorrows should be halved because you lean on eachother. A person should't have to change because they want acceptance and a person should ask someone to change because they want them to conform.

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  6. Ever since this happened, I have been seething inside. I think in this case, it is based on fear. The spouse is doing "too well", and that makes the control freak want to re-establish control to make sure the other one doesn't become too successful and leave (instead of accepting that in fact they just wanted to help the household while being who they ARE inside!) In fact it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy because they could not relax and just "BE".

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  7. It's funny that you blogged about this because my husband and I have been discussing this same topic! One of his friends and coworkers has a very controlling wife. They go out for a beer and while I say 'go have fun, see ya later', his wife is calling every quarter hour yelling at him to come home. My husband believes she's got his balls in a jar because she makes more money, but I've known plenty of women who are the same way and don't. I think some women can't stand to let their spouses have fun without them. It's sad. You should want your spouse to be happy and have fun, regardless of whether they're with you or not.

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  8. I think people do it to get a satisfaction and feel more important. To bring up their ego and feel more worth or importance. Some do it because they find pleasure on the fact that they hold such a power over another person. There is control and CONTROL. Some just get off on the horrible control..

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  9. I guess I'd say there is "control freak" and then there is having open and honest conversation between spouses (especially) about the behavior one may engage in that the other does not care for. You gotta keep it honest, and not hide things from each other. that is a recipe for misunderstanding and ultimately disaster. thanks for the blog

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Love feedback!