Sunday, July 15, 2012

Jealousy....Thoughts?

What is jealousy? It's an emotion that stems from our own insecurities. I have never been a jealous person myself. Not that I haven't experienced it, I have...I just don't obsess over it! I have dealt with jealousy from others before and I must say...it will ruin a relationship faster than money problems! Which by the way is the number one cause of divorce in the United States! What causes us to have trust issues? I have heard it from the mouths of so many that it's caused from being cheated on. I don't think that's truly the case! I think it stems from cheating, not being cheated on! Our subconscious tends to think that others think and feel the same as we do. Therefore, if we have cheated, or are capable of cheating, we are automatically going to be insecure in our relationships. I have been guilty of it myself! I have cheated before, therefore I don't assume that I am not being cheated on. Make sense? I have also been the one that was cheated on. Here's the thing though...I asked my Dad once, long ago, if there was a man out there that wouldn't cheat! His reply to that was.. "Well, there are one or two....That SAY they wont, but no, there isn't a man that wont if given the right circumstance! So how do I take that....Hmmmm...Is it the "what you don't know wont hurt you" stand I should take, and turn a blind eye, or be watchful and exhausted all the time? I have talked with several Men about this subject, and they have all told me the same thing...If they do it, it means nothing to them...it's just an act in the moment! If a Woman does it, emotions are involved and therefore unforgivable in their book! So in other words...A Woman needs a reason to do it, and a Man just needs a place. Interesting. Any thoughts?

26 comments:

  1. Oh wow! This is a really loaded topic. lol! I agree that most men (I think most) really would cheat on each and every one of us at any given time. It doesn't meant that they will continue the relationship with the other woman unless things are pretty bad at home.

    Having said that, I don't believe that most men are habitual or serial cheaters. That takes a certain kind of individual who just believes that it is all right as a lifestyle, and those men will never change.

    Women cheat too, of course, but I believe at least that it is because things are not going well at home, and she is looking for "something", perhaps that she has not been quite able to define. She would leave the husband or s.o. IF the new man ends up being more present emotionally in her life in some way.

    Joy

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    1. Damn Joy...you nailed it! You must have rowed in my canoe at some point lol

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    2. Well, I have been married for 28 years. Most good, but a few glitches early on. 7 year itch. lol! Plus I was married for 1 1/2 years before that, and he went back to his old girl friend eventually. In fact, he went on a "business trip" to see her. Then she wouldn't have him after we broke up until years later when they finally married. A very twisted relationship. lol!

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    3. I could so tell you about twisted! lol Glad you made it 28 years though...Thats impressive!

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  2. Why cheat, when you can come home to it every night! Getting a little strange!!! Shouldv'e thought about that before getting into a relationship!!!

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    1. Well Hello John lol....You have never cheated? :)

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  3. It is true that jealousy is the green eyed monster that can and will destroy everything in its path. And jealousy IS the product of our own insecurities. What causes those insecurities...our looks, our friendships, our successes, or the actions of others being thrown in our faces or hidden from our view? Probably all of the above. I think in this day and time a woman can cheat just as readily as a man. But to say that all men will cheat if given the right opportunity is unfair. Maybe I am an old poop, but I still think that there are men out there who value a loving relationship to the point of excluding all other offers. I am married to one and have been for 37 years this November. I know what you are thinking....she just doesn't know or is blind. Not true. I know my soul mate inside and out and he knows me. God knows this man had every right to cheat on me through the years but he didn't. Not once and he was offered many times. Was he afraid of getting caught....no. He loved me unconditionally and would never have broken that. We talk about this subject from time to time because I am in awe of him. I just don't think you can lump all men into one category. I have faith that there are many who want more than a one time f*ck. Just my old humble point of view.

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    1. I love you Pammie....Just when I think I know it all, you humble me! I just stood and took a bow for you! You rock! Congratulations on a wonderful man...maybe there is one out there after all :)

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    2. Oh Ditter, I have FAITH there is.

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  4. I think jealousy is an insecurity with oneself. That in itself causes a person to cheat. Knowing that my ex cheated on me for who knows why, made me feel jealousy of what she was doing right that I wasn't. Which in turn caused the break up and our daughter spending less time with him by his choice of partners, 2 more kids and now on his 3rd wife. That is the only time I have felt that way. Probably why I am still single and celibate. My standards are now much higher. I've witnessed jealous lovers, friends, and man it is and can be very ugly. Either the man cheated or the female. Cheating (to me) is just a harsh way of saying 'I don't want what you've got anymore, there is someone better'. Most men don't take into account the consequences of their actions and the ripple affect.
    Saying that, I certainly hope that I will someday meet the man who will be satisfied with WHO I AM & with sense enough not to cheat and that after all these years I am now more confident in myself that the Jealousy Monster never rears it's head. Though they may be jealous of me cause of my I just don't give a shit attitude, or I'm happy with or without you.

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    1. From what I was told by men...It means nothing to them. Unless of course there is a relationship that springs from it, I suppose that would have to be different! Most men dont leave their wife or GF for someone else...which tells me thats who they really want, and the other woman is just filling a need they have for something they are missing at home. I dont know..There are so many scenerios it could be..It boggles the mind.

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  5. Let me lay this out. it takes a certain kind of person, be it man or woman, to cheat and think nothing of it.

    I say this as someone who has cheated on someone. That was well over 20 years ago, and I still carry guilt over it.

    On the other hand, as someone who has been cheated on often. (3 relationships, 3 "best friends" that ended up with my wife/girlfriend) If it's happened often, it will definitely make a person gun shy.

    Everyone feels insecure at times. Jealousy is insecurity that is internalized. Talk. Communicate. That is the key to a good relationship.

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    1. Thanks Jerry! That's pretty much how I see it also!

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  6. jealousy is something I have overcome as I have gotten older, dealt with more "bad seeds" and I suppose more cynical as a result. However, trust is a biggie for me. I am an extreme skeptic sometimes much to my own demise. I used to give my trust over whole-heartedly. However, being young, naive, (and at the time jealous) I was shown that relationships can be completely "untrustworthy" I have been cheated on quite a bit and I have been a cheater twice. You are right, knowing what you are capable of sure does make it harder to imagine that someone else is "saintly" and would never cheat. I will say this about trust however. Please keep in mind that as I said, I am an extreme skeptic. Just becuase someone has given you your trust, doesn't mean you have to put yourself in situations where that trust might be called into question. My ex husband would alwyas use the term "If you loved me, you have to trust me" Oh that would tick me off considering he cheated on me more times than any other relationship I was in. However, when we agreed on a "clean slate and fresh start" I couldn't forget the past even though he had my forgiveness. He would go out with friends (which I encouranged) and there were girls there that I know he had intimacy with. That was a hard pill to swallow, however when you don't answser your phone when I call, will not return a text, come home 2 hours late and refuse to offer any any explanation or even talk about your evening except with the question "you still don't trust me, do you??" then there is a problem. Do not test the trust given. Be respectful of one's feelings and trust will go alot further.

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    1. Oh wow Tonya...I read this twice. Come on over here..I dont trust a mofo either! :D

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  7. I think jealousy stems from insecurity. Thinking you are not good enough for the other person.We all feel jealous and sometimes are at the other end where someone might be jealous of us. we just need to push it away and not let it run our life. I have been cheated on and never cheated and I think that sometimes makes me think but I try not to let it ruin my life. Cheating for some is a thrill, knowing you do something wrong and hope you never get caught. If I love someone and trust them I have faith that they will not cheat and be faithful to me as I am to them but life is not perfect and never will be. One just has to hope that the other person will not cheat and or be jealous and you will do the same.

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    1. Thank you Savannah!! Wish I could say that!

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    2. Ditter, hey no matter what you still can. One should not be defined by a moment in time.

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  8. I'm in the "glass house" myself and cannot lob many stones on this topic but I'd say "cheating" and "jealousy" are not mutually exclusive topics. People stray and have relationships outside their "committed" ones for many reasons, sometimes out of boredom but many times as revenge. It takes a lot to trust another human being, even one you claim to "love." And for many of us, we never get over the inability to trust. nice topic, thanks.

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    1. Morning Liz! I feel the same way. I dont trust anyone other than a few family members, and very little of them! Glass houses arent so bad, as long as we keep them picked up ;)

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  9. Jealousy is a self-esteem issue. The higher your self-esteem the less jealousy. For me I'll trust someone until they give me a reason not to. If someone
    compromises their integrity with me, I know I'll be ok, no matter what.

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    1. Good way to be Deneen! Thanks for commenting!

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  10. I have to echo what Pam said. I've been married to Mr. Nina for twenty-eight years. And in all that time I've never wondered about his fidelity. We've been through several really rough years. I wouldn't have blamed him if he'd fallen into the arms of another woman ... but he didn't. Neither one of us strayed. I treasure my relationship to this man too much to put cracks in its foundation with a sexual fling. Is life always roses and sunshine? Hell no. But we've been through enough to know we can weather any storm without turning to someone else. There is no doubt in my mind we are soulmates. The grass isn't greener for me on the other side.

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    1. Thats wonderful, beautiful Nina!! I'm so happy for you....Thanks for commenting!

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