Monday, August 20, 2012

Internet

As much as I love and depend on the Internet, it can be the hardest form of communication ever created! It's so easy to misconstrue something you have read. Things can be typed one way and meant another. The most important thing to remember about the Internet is, that is a real person on the other end of that keyboard. Things can be taken out of context, or even meant for someone else, and cause great harm. It seems I am responsible for causing someone harm without knowing it. Something meant about another person that was misunderstood. It's hard to rewind after that. Almost impossible to remove that doubt that will always linger. How do you recover from a blow like that? A public apology? That wont work...Anyone can do that to save face. I believe in my heart, the only thing that will work is to recover as best you can, and know this-- I would never intentionally hurt anyone. I don't have it in me to do so. My heart hurts that I hurt someone dear to me without knowing it. I cant change that it happened, and I'm sure, will never convince the injured party it was a misunderstanding. There is no anger in me about this, only pain and confusion. My advice to everyone would be, Always be clear in your reference of another. Always make sure your joking can not be taken out of context, and always remember, One word can make or break a friendship.

16 comments:

  1. I can completely relate. The problem with the internet is there is no tone in your words. I have found that sometimes when in conversation via chat or email I will use a tone that I am feeling at that time and heaven help the other person if I am in a pissed off sarastic mood. I have been responsible for this and have been victim of this as well. Like you, it is not in my nature to hurt anyone, however like everyone we all become guilty of it at one time or another. If we are lucky we will receive forgiveness from those we hurt and learn from our mistakes. If you offer a heart felt apology and truly mean in and are sincere that is all you can do. You can only do so much and then have to accept the fact that the other person is certainly in their right to accept your apology but not forgive. However, I like to believe that true hearts prevail and although it might take a long time to rebuild what was lost, I don't like to think of anything being "unrepairable" sometimes it just takes a long time. People say "too much water under the bridge" then I say "well, then I guess I am going to have to build a taller bridge. Then again, I am a stubborn SOB :-)

    You are right though, the person on the other end of the computer is a human being with feelings, heart, passion and hurt. I have met so many people that I have never had the pleasure of meeting but someday that will change. I have laughed with so many, cried with a small few and would do anything I could to help anyone. I might not have met them through society's "norm" of school, church, neighorhood, friend of friend, but I am glad that I met every one. I find it bothersome when someone says "oh, you just met them online do you even KNOW them" I remind them "listen here, I met my first husband in highschool, friend of a friend, dated him 7 years, married him and the day I left I realized I didn't know him at all. The point is, YOU NEVER KNOW, you take a chance, do your all, and pray for best because at the end of the day everything in life is nothing but a chance. Hang in there, and I hope you and your friend can talk this through and be better people because of it.

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  2. Yes, so true! I was in a non-profit for a while, and it got so bad in just every day communications, that we had to say to the other volunteers, "Assume that we are speaking in low peaceful tones at all times!" If there was a real problem, the head of it would call them on the phone it was so bad.

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  3. It is hard to talk because there are not enough emotions that can be shown. Words and tone are not always what we want them to be. We depend so much on it that we don't use the phone or talk face to face. Nothing will be able to replace talking to someone in real life.

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  4. Your message has a lot of great points, Ditter. The only thing I would add is the flip side of what you said. Everyone who has spent more than five minutes on the internet is well aware that it isn't the best communication tool in the world, especially if the message being sent is sensitive, emotional, or critical. Knowing that, anyone on the other end of a conversation should enter it with the knowledge that they may read something sent by a friend or colleague that they might take out of context or feel hurt by initially, etc and know that it probably isn't meant the way it reads. If they temper their own expectations slightly, it may help them when they encounter a situation that pushes their "personal" buttons and - instead of acting emotionally - be in a better place to ask questions that clarify what the sender was trying to say. Emotions are a wonderful thing but sometimes they hold us back from true, honest communication, especially on the internet. When you think about it, if you and I were speaking in person and I said something in a flat monotone voice, chances are that you wouldn't react emotionally to it...so why do we on the internet? Granted, we should always strive to be pleasant, polite, respectful, etc but one has to understand the communications medium well enough to understand its weaknesses...and react accordingly.

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    1. How did you become so wise....Every bit of that is true...

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  5. It's not that, Savannah...I was ranting about men in general..Said something about one of them in the middle of it and it was misunderstood to mean the wrong person. Something like that...Im not really sure...

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  6. Since I have become a part of the internet, I have become OCD about how I sound to other people I care about when I send them comments, messages, and posts. I will send something checking it out before I hit send and then I will sit and study it over and over making sure that it couldn't be misunderstood. And if it could, then I get physically sick and do my utmost to type up my explanation of what I was trying to say and begging them to please not take it the other way. This comes from my years of being bullied in school and my real fear of hurting someone elses's heart. The heart of a person is so fragile in most cases and it would destroy me if I ever knew I had hurt someone. When we are in a group like According To Ditter, we make friends and we chat and play but how realistic is that? It is very difficult to really know the person on the other end of the computer. We have seen it in our own group with stalkers. You can be anyone you want to be. I could be a 30 year old hot babe (omg, I wish) trying to pass myself off as a 60 year old grandmother who is a cancer survivor. But you all know I am not. I am who I say I am. I feel what I say I feel. If we truly care about the others in our group, then we have to be aware of how our words spoken or written to anyone sound or are read. If we have questions, we should go to that person directly and ask them. I learned this the hard way not very long ago. Jumping to conclusions is not the best way to go. On the other side of that, we must have a responsibility to each other to be truthful in ALL things and never misrepresent our intentions. It is a two-way street with dual responsibilities. Now to your situation, this seems like it was a tragic misunderstanding that was not intentional. I know your heart must be sick at this time, Ditter. And I believe you when you say that you are truly sorry that it happened. The other thing that relationships have to have is forgiveness. Without forgiveness, relationships are doomed because there is not one of us that doesn't make mistakes, mis-speaks, etc. We are all human and "to err is human". We have to forgive. If we don't, we become bitter old men and women who end up without happiness. I choose to take care with my words and intent, I choose to not lie to those I love (really not to anyone), and I choose to forgive.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. I said "I so "heart" you PamCakes..but it didn't put in the heart. It said I so you PamCakes. I opted to delete and try again. LOL

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    3. Pammie...You're right...I wouldnt do it intentionally...and didnt. I love you to pieces!! Thank you for taking the time to comment...It means alot. <3

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  7. Oh Ditter! I can't even imagine the pain that you are going through. Trust me, I have pissed people off reviewing and almost quit at one point but I bucked up and reminded myself that my opinion is my opinion. Not everyone is going to agree with me or that I'm going to agree with them when it comes to books.

    You are one of the kindest people on the internet. You're open, honest, funny and smart. I hope that this gets resolved soon. I hate to see good people hurt by miscommunication.

    Marika

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    1. Thank you Marika...That means alot....<3

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  8. Been there, done that. It sucks.

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  9. It's so easy to forget that written words can be misconstrued, even if we're writers!

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