Monday, August 6, 2012

The Neighbor Chronicles....:D

So, My Neighbor, bless his heart, has a floating eye. Having no idea, I took it to heart when he wouldn't wave back, or acknowledge the bird I sent him first thing in the morning! I tried everything, even went so far as to step outside in my sexiest ensemble! Nothing, Nada! Hmmmm what to do now? Several ideas floated through my mind, which got discarded immediately. I decided to borrow something, but what? Sugar? Too cliche'...Hmm bum a smoke? Too Ghetto...A rake? Too 90210...Then it hit me...Battery cables! So...I walk over with the mission impossible music in my head, and knock! His little tiny foreign wife answers the door! She doesn't speak English! WTF do I do now? So, I end up doing charades on her front porch, trying to make her understand I need battery cables! She comes out with everything from an extension cord, to a crock pot 0_o (Don't ask). I finally wave her off with my apologies for disturbing her and trot back to my domain! So, Halloween rolls around, and my opportunity is finally here!! I grab the Boys hand, and we walk over to Trick or Treat the rude and unfeeling neighbor! They had the porch decorated to the nine baby, I was impressed! Dodging the fake spiders, I ring the bell. She comes out first and deposits the candy in the Boys fabulous skull bag (I proudly made him)! He finally steps out behind her and we make eye contact...All three of us!!! I was mortified! Unsure of which eye to look at, I stared at her, talking in rapid fire! After removing the foot from my mouth, I backed out of the fake spiders and made my way down the sidewalk feeling like a total ass! All of this time thinking him rude and he wasn't even looking at me! I glanced back only once, just in time to catch the bird being thrown back in my direction! This was the beginning of many underhanded nights of plotting on both of our parts, for months to come....Stay tuned....

25 comments:

  1. ROTFLMAO, I can just see you doing all of this.....what a hoot....straight out of Fawlty Towers....and I noticed how you dodged the fake spiders, btw...cute and funny blog...

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  2. lol thanks Pammie! Yeah...even fake ones creep me out!

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  3. Only you Ditter ... only you! LOL!

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  4. LOL! That is just priceless!

    Joy

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  5. I would have had to stop at the spiders.... OMG..

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  6. Too funny. You just can't make this stuff up....LOL

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  7. I do believe I would have flicked every spider he had. I might have even resorted to having an episode on his porch. And then politely excusing myself while chanting "I will take my meds, I will take my meds..." At least you walked away, while me on the other hand, well, I would try to keep the whole thing going ranting about random things that would not pertain to any one. I love amusing myself. Work on that. Really give your neighbors a reason to dislike you or be afraid of you. :)

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    1. Great advice Denise!!! Inbox me any other suggestions lol

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  8. LOL! Too funny, Ditter!!

    :D

    Kele

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  9. All this just to nail the neighbor? Surely it's much simpler than that, for a cougar like yourself...you must like the challenge heh

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  10. Oh to be there and see this in person..OMG..only you could do it...

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    1. It's quite easy really...He's not as creative as I am :)

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  11. Aww it wasnt your fault. You were stunned.. WOw you are soo funny! Love how you write!

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