Saturday, September 8, 2012

Neighbor Chronicles-Take 3

So...I ran to Publix today to purchase a cake for my lovely neighbors! I also picked up a card and quickly filled it out. "Thank you for delivering the cake, We decided to show our appreciation by delivering another :) " I deposited it on their porch very quietly. After a couple of days, I saw "Him" outside preparing to mow...I waved, smiled and said "I hope you enjoyed the cake! I wasn't sure what flavor you liked, so I picked up my favorite" The look on his face was priceless! Now I didn't do anything to the cake, but he didn't know that. Did I feel bad? Absolutely not!! I had a chuckle over that for 2 days....Until...

 I am running late for work, which is nothing new, but this morning was different! I had alot to do this particular day, and needed to get it done in time to pick up Keaton for a Dr. appt. Opening the door to my car, I felt something wet! There was something tan looking on my fingers that smelled worse than anything I have ever smelled in my life. I began gagging and ran back inside to wash it off! It wouldn't come off!!! I used Alcohol, bleach and paint thinner!! The stain came off, but the smell remained. To this day I don't know what he used, but I bow to him! It was brilliant! I missed lunch that day, I couldn't eat with that smell on my fingers! It took 2 days to wear off! Needless to say, He was standing on his porch smiling when I got home! I'm not sure if he was looking at me, or something on his right, but that smile was definitely for me and me alone! Time to think...I HAD to come up with something better than that, so back to the store I went. Heading straight for the condoms, I picked up some ribbed for her pleasure! After a few sly looks from the cashier, I headed home with a giggle and a new plan. Since it was a Friday evening, I knew they would be heading out together Saturday morning to do their errands (or so I hoped). As soon as darkness fell, I opened the condoms and took one out! I stretched it a little and rubbed it with lotion. It was going in his car...only it was locked!! Damn it!! So I went to the passengers side and pushed the condom top in the bottom crack of the door, so it was just hanging there, waiting on the wife! It was watch and wait time. I didn't have to wait long, BINGO! She found it...and the fight was on...To be continued

30 comments:

  1. OMG Ditter....what a hoot...I'd love to have you as a neighbor...

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  2. OMG! Was it ipecac syrup or something? That stinks big time. What is his DEAL? LOL!

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    1. I dont know...I never did find out, but I wish I had some in reach lol

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  3. Oh, and I hope the lotion was scentless. heh.

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  4. OMGGGG Hahahahaha!! What the hell is wrong with him???

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  5. I love that you are so detail oriented. You must not stop at condoms. There are so many ways to thank them. They seem like such nice people that would enjoy subscriptions to Playboy, Playgirl, Hustler and even Weed subscriptions. Show your love girl.

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    1. Come spend the weekend...I could use some help lol

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  6. That is the funniest thing EVER! I'd leave you alone and if he's smart he will too :)

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    1. lol I will post more in a couple of days :)

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  7. Lmfao! These stories are great! That man has issues, on the other hand he's providing you with some fun for us.

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  8. Lmfao! These stories are great! That man has issues, on the other hand he's providing you with some fun for us.

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  9. Lmfao! These stories are great! That man has issues, on the other hand he's providing you with some fun for us.

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  10. Lmfao! These stories are great! That man has issues, on the other hand he's providing you with some fun for us.

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  11. Lmfao! These stories are great! That man has issues, on the other hand he's providing you with some fun for us.

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  12. LOL...love it!!! Hey, wanna come over to my neighbors :-)

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    1. Perhaps when I visit we can cook up something....:D

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  13. holy shit, that is CRRRRAZY. Sounds like he put some kind of liquid BAIT for catching certain fish, some of it stinks SO bad and if you get it on your fingers, the smell doesn't go away for a few days!!!

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  14. OMG if I could be there to see this live..This is crazy...and I am amazed at what you will think of..Wow...This is a fight..

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  15. LMAO! I was thinking the same thing Azure was about the liquid bait..yuuuuck..my husband has it in his boat. Let me get this straight..this is your old neighbor right? If so I can see what kind of going away gift you gave him when you moved.

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    1. Oh Sheri...You have no idea what all went on lol

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  16. So funny...what about hunting stuff? You know female deer urine? You can spray or wipe ( not sure how it is prepared) on his car handle and porch rail. can't wait for more.

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    1. lol Rosie...Wish I had thought of that :D

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