Saturday, January 5, 2013

Neighbor Chronicles-Take 10

So, I accomplished what I wanted. Mr. cock eye was in serious trouble with the wife. Funny thing was, he was far too naive to realize what I'd done...and the worse he got treated at home, the better he was to me. *Grin*. Things just got interesting.

   To put it bluntly, It went from an all out war with eyeballs to dancing out of his reach almost daily. He wanted me. It became painfully obvious when he winked at me with his good eye. Or was it his bad? I could never tell the difference. I just couldn't bring myself to look long enough to notice which one moved and which one was set in it's ways :). Anyway, I'm getting off track here. He became flirtatious and overbearing. A leech, if you will. I was beginning to get creeped out, just a smidgen. One evening I was watching a movie and the doorbell rang. I looked through the peep hole and there he was. After cracking open the door a few inches to make sure he had no spiders or snakes, I pasted a smile on and jerked it open. I was immediately assailed by his cheap cologne, but he had beer...and not just any beer, but bud light baby!!! In my defense, most of you reading this right now, know bud light is my weakness. (Don't question it, just go with it). I let him in, and relieved him of the beverages. I snagged one, handed him one, and put the rest in the freezer. He appeared nervous at first glance, which only brought out my mischievous side.. I offered him a seat and took my usual place in the recliner. About half way through the movie, I excused myself to go pee. Yes, I said pee :). As I exited the bathroom and came around the archway to the living room  I ran in to wall eye. He was standing there waiting on me. My heart nearly jumped through my chest when his arms came around me and his mouth slanted across mine. I froze. The first thing that registered was HIS BREATH. Oh. My. God. His breath. (Once again, most of you reading this know how I am about breath) I gagged and shoved him back...and gagged again. The best I could manage was to point toward the door as I ran back to the bathroom. I immediately gargled, gagged some more, brushed my teeth, and gargled again. He was gone when I came out. No sooner did I sigh in relief, the door bell rang again. The wise thing to do would be to look through the peep hole, right? Hmmm, I never said I was the sharpest tool in the shed. I assumed it would  be leech, so I jerked it open once again. I never expected this little highly pissed off Asian woman to attack me, but that's exactly what happened. She flew on me like a Walmart bag on the interstate...We went down in a tangle of arms and legs on my living room floor. Who would have ever thought I'd get my ass handed to me by a tiny spit of a thing, but that's exactly what happened...or was it? Tune in next week to find out ;)

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