This is a question sent to me in an email for the advice column. I cleaned it up of course and will answer it to the best of my ability.
I personally have always wanted what was just out of reach. The unobtainable, if you will. I think perhaps it's a flaw of mine. I'm a very prideful person. Yes, I said it. I'm ate up with it in certain areas and lack it in others. Well, this would be one of those areas. If you tell me I can't have it, that only makes me want it more.
If I hear that I can't write a particular type of book, I will write the damn thing if its the last thing I do. If you tell me I can't walk a mile in your shoes, I will walk in them until the soles are gone. With that being said...I'm the opposite when it comes to relationships. If you tell me I can't have a particular person...I will do it just to prove I can. (Pride). BUT, if that particular person voices the same thing, I have no interest. Example-If a third party says, You can't get that guy...My pride will demand that I do, even if I don't want them long term. If that particular guy says...I'm not interested in you, I will lose the attraction....and YET, that same pride will demand that I go after one a step above them...Even if it's short term. Pride is a lonely bed partner to be sure, but it strengthens you in other areas, such as your career, your position in society as a whole.
I think pride is a beautiful thing to have..........................
Now, I'd like to talk about women for a minute. When it comes to men, we will step over a good one to get to a bad one. If he has no money, no job, several DUI's and commitment issues, we're all over it. We will give up the nice guy who will treat us as we should be treated...with respect, loyalty and love for the one who is indifferent. The one we have to wait on calls from. Who doesn't return texts, who is always late, who wants what they want, when they want it. Who isn't giving in bed. It's not because they are better than the nice guy...It's because of our pride...Our self esteem issues. We have to prove to the world that we are good enough to "Land" the hunk. And why? They usually suck in bed...and do you know why that is? They are too pretty and have no need to try. A less than gorgeous guy will blow your mind sexually, because he will try harder.
Now, to spin the table...Guys are exactly the same. They are usually attracted to the ones they are intimidated by. The smart one...The funny one...The cute one. Here's the big difference---Women will actually give an average guy a chance if he's alluring enough..attentive enough....Not you guys. You want that one....the one who has her hand out...Who expects you to pay, to bow down. It's human nature. My suggestion is this.....I have no f****ng clue! I do the same thing! Guilty.
In all seriousness....One piece of advice...The grass is not greener on the other side. I've tasted both sides. It's not. I have learned a lot in the last year and a half of not dating. I love ME. I'm worth THE BEST. And I won't settle for anything less. I will have what I want, because I won't stop until it's achieved.
Go some place private. Sit alone and be quiet. Look inside yourself...Deep....ask yourself what you want...What do you REALLY want? What would have to be done to get it....and make it happen. You have the strength inside you...We all do...You just have to believe in YOU and grab it with both hands.
Good luck in your endeavor.