Monday, February 24, 2014

Relationships according to Ditter

So, I was talking with a friend this morning about relationships and how they have changed over the years. The excitement, challenge, the thrill of the chase. Not long into the conversation we discovered some similarities in ourselves that didn't bode well with either of us.
When my grandmother was alive, she would tell me stories about her life of dating, relationships and marriage. Men and women were different back then, I get that, but deep down I believe we are still the same animal, just playing a new game.
And before anyone gets a case of bunched up panties, this is just my opinion. Everyone is entitled to one.
I believe it's a natural instinct for a man to be alpha (most men, not all) and they seek the chase, the challenge. Like a wolf stalking it's prey. It creates a measure of pride for them to conquer and take the prize over other men.
Perhaps I should have been born a man. Over the years I have seen that same trait in myself. There is something about the game...the dance...the sparring...the calculated risks, and in the end...the victory.
Now, with that said..I must confess I have a submissive side to me, maybe I am searching for one who is alpha enough to master me.
I realize I have issues, I think a lot of us do. I believe mine started at an early age. I have skated through life stepping over a good man to get to a bad one.  Ahhhh the bad boy syndrome. There is nothing sexier than a tough guy with an alpha nature, who doesn't have his shit together. Insane? Yes, of course....but hot? Absolutely! I could probably use a shrink for that, but there it is.
In the scheme of things, my way of thinking is no doubt screwed up ten ways to Sunday. But in order to change that, I would need to change me..and I kinda like me just as I am.
I have been single for quite some time now. I don't date and I don't participate in any type of sexual activity. Do I miss it? Of course. But I am not willing to dance with just anyone. I need a certain amount of Freak to interest me, challenge me and satisfy me. A strong, alpha type with brains, who can rock my level of weirdness. My freak nature demands it.
There is nothing sexier than being dominated by an alpha male. Not to confuse that with a controlling male. There is a difference...a BIG difference.
I was raised to believe that a man was head of his home. Not higher than his mate, but stronger. I still believe in that. Men sometimes are better decision makers due to the fact they think with their head and not their heart. I am an emotional decision maker. I write with emotion, I speak with emotion and I think with emotion. That in itself is a guaranteed bad decision in the making.
Do I need a man to complete me? Not at all. I love myself and am very happy with who and what I am. Do I miss that closeness with another person? Yes, I can honestly say at times, I do. But I won't settle for anything less than what I want.
As far as dating goes? Well, that is up in the air at this time. I have considered dating again, but would it be beneficial for me? I have a goal in my life that I'm currently reaching for and perhaps dating would waver my focus. And that is not an option for me at this time. If it's someone I'm not completely in to, that may be doable...but at what cost? And how unfair would it be to risk hurting someone else to appease your own selfish needs? Yeah...doesn't sound very appealing, does it?
If you have a good relationship...and that person really rings your bell, then put some work into making them just as happy...but if you are in a relationship and something is missing...something isn't feeding your desires, no matter how freaky those particular desires may be...You're spinning your wheels. If your partner doesn't fulfill you, make you laugh, make you feel wanted, challenge you and rock you sexually...(Unless there is a medical reason) than maybe you should examine yourself more closely. Ask yourself this...What do I really want in life? What is the ultimate goal? Money? Fame? Religion? Family? Whatever your situation, your dream...take a good look around you and decide...Are you on the right track...are they supporting you and standing behind you? Or holding you back for their own selfish reasons?
As for me...I will continue to write and live my dream. Will I go after the one I want? You can bet your ass I will.
Be happy,
Ditter Kellen~


  1. LOL, yep, about sums up our discussion. When the smoke clears and the dust settles perhaps you will find you are exactly where you want to be. Dating now-a-days is frustrating to say the least. It has changed so much since the last time I was in the dating pool. Gotta love those Alpha men. Surely there has to be a man that can possess enough "alpha" to get the motor running, but not obsessive. Enough heart to make us purr. A man who will bend for us, but not break. One who will bite his tongue, but won't bite it off. Not to mention one that can rock your world everyday and twice on Sundays. LOL Looking for a restaurant that has the meal that can satisfy all my cravings. Where I can sit at the table and order my meal and it satisfies me, until then I will hang out at the buffet picking and choosing the things that look good. "Hi, my name is Tonya and I am a W@%^" LMAO

    1. Haha! I just laughed out loud! Thank you for that! But you're right and I am if I never obtain the one I want...I'm still ok. <3

    2. Yep, we will keep looking for that A+ restaurant that excels in all 5 courses, until then..You and me at the buffet baby!!! LOL

  2. I knowed we was seperated at birth the minute I saw your reaction to those hairy 8 legged creatures.
    Amen and don't think for a minute you're alone in your opinion.

  3. Have you been sneaking into my head, while I'm sleeping and taking notes? ;)
    This is spot on and scoot over ladies, Debbie is standing right there with you.
    I like the alpha male- I believe in him too. Like you said so totally different from a controlling a**.
    I think too many people are "stuck in that rut" the relationship is dead and they have become so accustomed to it-they don't even realize there's anything wrong. I know lots of couples like that. I get tired of being alone sometimes but better that than falling into that dead zone I see so many others in.
    I could go on and on about it but I won't. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a good solid relationship.
    I know there are lots of people with that beautiful, well balanced partnership- I'm holding out for that.
    I'm not ready to throw in the towel- Mr. Right Alpha is there somewhere- I'm just not giving up my hopes & dreams for Mr. Right now.

    1. *Applause* I have no doubt you will get just that! Enjoy the dance~

  4. This is quite a thought provoking post on soooo many levels, but it is littered with landmines for the unsuspecting male, so I'll tread lightly. I commend you for sharing your opinion on a subject that has confounded great minds since Adam & Eve...relationships between men and women. Your post has my mind swirling with all kinds of thoughts, but there one thing you said about the bad-boy syndrome that jumped up and slapped me on the ass -

    "There is nothing sexier than a tough guy with an alpha nature, who doesn't have his shit together. Insane? Yes, of course....but hot? Absolutely! I could probably use a shrink for that, but there it is."

    I kinda get the allure of the bad-boy since I've always had a thing for bad-girls, I think it's something primal that's programmed into our genes. However, I do NOT get why the bad-boy who doesn't have his shit together is consider a prize worth chasing. It doesn't take a fortune teller to predict that relationship is going to turn out badly, but still women are drawn to the 'doesn't-have-his-shit-together bad-boy like moths to a flame.

    What's wrong with the bad-boy who Does have his shit together? In my humble opinion, I think sometimes women are drawn to reclamation projects. She's searching for the bad-boy who doesn't have his shit together, who will change and get his shit together...for the 'right' woman.

    Just my opinion :-)

    1. You are correct and I refer to it as Caretaker syndrome. Our ancestors had the disease and it passed down through the genes.

      You're a bad boy? :)

    2. Hmm, the Caretaker syndrome, interesting.

      Yes, I am a very, very bad-boy.

      By the way, I love your line about the difference between a dominant man and a controlling man...I'm going to use that line in a story.

    3. Interesting point as well, Will. The woman taking on a "project" as I like to put it. That innate mother in every woman to clean up the rough "salt of the earth" perhaps?...

  5. Absolutely! 100%... well 98%... Each woman is different too but yes men, most men love the chase... I'm one that doesn't like to chase... I tire easily of the "game”. There are men who are passive of course, as you commented. Those are the men who are Beta and need an alpha female to help control them. It’s all about balance.
    But yup you are pretty spot on.
    I believe the reason why women love the "bad boys” is because they push them to that edge of pleasure. However, we find that most men who ride that edge can't control themselves and go too far and hurt their playmate due to passive aggression, hidden anger issues due to abuse or lack of attention. That is why those boys become “bad”.
    Me... I had always been the nice guy... and have been told many a times that I seem vanilla
    but then they find out what lies inside and find that I can ride that edge.
    Ride that edge, without losing control. That’s where pleasure can be so sweet
    Now my pleasure is pushing that edge to see how far I can give her pleasure
    this has evolved over the last few years
    Yes... thanks to your site and others... Opening doors and seeing how much women are enjoying our new sexual revolution and coming out the "Sex Closet" so to speak.
    We are in a new sexual revolution... just like 50 years ago but up a few pegs. That edge has become the new thing.
    I have yet to discuss what’s going on between the ears of our “prey” but that’s a to be continued…

    1. I love it! Thank you Roger! It's always nice to get the male POV on my posts! I would love to know more about your "prey" :)

    2. My Pleasure. I just scratched the surface of sexuality in relationships as you well know. I haven't even begun to go into control freaks, not to mention where relationships go or how they evolve and the expectations put upon partners from the first date. It's such a huge subject.

    3. It really is and one that isn't discussed near enough for real of offending. Thank you for being awesome enough to allow us into your thoughts.

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    1. Thank you for posting! I loved reading your thoughts! As always, you rock!


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