So, I was talking with a friend this morning about relationships and how they have changed over the years. The excitement, challenge, the thrill of the chase. Not long into the conversation we discovered some similarities in ourselves that didn't bode well with either of us.
When my grandmother was alive, she would tell me stories about her life of dating, relationships and marriage. Men and women were different back then, I get that, but deep down I believe we are still the same animal, just playing a new game.
And before anyone gets a case of bunched up panties, this is just my opinion. Everyone is entitled to one.
I believe it's a natural instinct for a man to be alpha (most men, not all) and they seek the chase, the challenge. Like a wolf stalking it's prey. It creates a measure of pride for them to conquer and take the prize over other men.
Perhaps I should have been born a man. Over the years I have seen that same trait in myself. There is something about the game...the dance...the sparring...the calculated risks, and in the end...the victory.
Now, with that said..I must confess I have a submissive side to me also..so, maybe I am searching for one who is alpha enough to master me.
I realize I have issues, I think a lot of us do. I believe mine started at an early age. I have skated through life stepping over a good man to get to a bad one. Ahhhh the bad boy syndrome. There is nothing sexier than a tough guy with an alpha nature, who doesn't have his shit together. Insane? Yes, of course....but hot? Absolutely! I could probably use a shrink for that, but there it is.
In the scheme of things, my way of thinking is no doubt screwed up ten ways to Sunday. But in order to change that, I would need to change me..and I kinda like me just as I am.
I have been single for quite some time now. I don't date and I don't participate in any type of sexual activity. Do I miss it? Of course. But I am not willing to dance with just anyone. I need a certain amount of Freak to interest me, challenge me and satisfy me. A strong, alpha type with brains, who can rock my level of weirdness. My freak nature demands it.
There is nothing sexier than being dominated by an alpha male. Not to confuse that with a controlling male. There is a difference...a BIG difference.
I was raised to believe that a man was head of his home. Not higher than his mate, but stronger. I still believe in that. Men sometimes are better decision makers due to the fact they think with their head and not their heart. I am an emotional decision maker. I write with emotion, I speak with emotion and I think with emotion. That in itself is a guaranteed bad decision in the making.
Do I need a man to complete me? Not at all. I love myself and am very happy with who and what I am. Do I miss that closeness with another person? Yes, I can honestly say at times, I do. But I won't settle for anything less than what I want.
As far as dating goes? Well, that is up in the air at this time. I have considered dating again, but would it be beneficial for me? I have a goal in my life that I'm currently reaching for and perhaps dating would waver my focus. And that is not an option for me at this time. If it's someone I'm not completely in to, that may be doable...but at what cost? And how unfair would it be to risk hurting someone else to appease your own selfish needs? Yeah...doesn't sound very appealing, does it?
If you have a good relationship...and that person really rings your bell, then put some work into making them just as happy...but if you are in a relationship and something is missing...something isn't feeding your desires, no matter how freaky those particular desires may be...You're spinning your wheels. If your partner doesn't fulfill you, make you laugh, make you feel wanted, challenge you and rock you sexually...(Unless there is a medical reason) than maybe you should examine yourself more closely. Ask yourself this...What do I really want in life? What is the ultimate goal? Money? Fame? Religion? Family? Whatever your situation, your dream...take a good look around you and decide...Are you on the right track...are they supporting you and standing behind you? Or holding you back for their own selfish reasons?
As for me...I will continue to write and live my dream. Will I go after the one I want? You can bet your ass I will.