Saturday, March 1, 2014

Dating in the 21st century.

Question from Belinda in Oklahoma.

I'm not a bad looking woman but I'm not a stick thin barbie either. Why is it that men always seem to go for the fake females? They are never happy with a real woman who takes care of them and gives them the attention they want. They always seem to want the one who has nothing to offer but big breasts and an empty head. I have been cheated on so many times by men who claim to love me. I always go that extra mile for them but it's never enough. Should I just give up on trust and loyalty and accept what is or keep trying until I get it right? What am I doing wrong?

Ah, the reigning champion of questions so far. Well, Belinda..I'm not the best person to seek advise from on this subject, but I will do my best to give you my honest opinion.
From my own experience over the years, and this is me personally, not saying it's every one's issue...It sometimes boils down to availability. A person can be too available. I'll explain...
I dated a guy years ago that I was pretty nuts over. I wouldn't say I was in love with him, but I wanted him with a passion that bordered on obsession. He lived less than two miles from me and came to my house every night around 10:00. I would feed him and sleep with him, listen to him talk about his day with a sympathetic ear. He would leave before the sun came up to go home and shower for work, only to repeat the process the following day.This went on for about five years without change.
I'm sure you're thinking, well, what's wrong with that set up? Nothing, other than the fact he would disappear on Friday and I wouldn't see him again until Monday night.
After some research and and some good FBI work, I find that he is spending his weekends with the beach bunnies as I called them back then. You know..The empty headed fish lips without a care in the world, other than how many matching bags and shoes they have.
Did it hurt? Hell yes it hurt. Did that make him a bad person? Not for the reason you may think. What made him a bad person, was being unfaithful. Had I not been in the picture, It's completely understandable that he would be drawn to the bunnies.
So, I cut the cord with him...and guess what? After a couple of weeks, he came running back on his knees. I've never seen a man beg so much. The more I ignored, the more he pursued to no avail.
The insecurities that arose from that fiasco, were crippling. I went through the whole, "What can I do to myself, my body to fit in that category? To be sexier, more sought after?
So, I did it. I purchased the skimpiest bikinis I could find, broke out the heavy makeup, bought the tightest fitting clothes and jumped back into the dating pool.
Oh the attention that got...I'd never been hit on by so many men in my life. I became the chased, the arm candy, the empty one. I had a blast for a short period of time...until it no longer fulfilled me. The emptiness it left me with wasn't pretty. I took a long look at myself in the mirror. I'd become fake...a user, a person I didn't like very much.
Lesson? It wasn't so much the makeup and clothes that introduced me to that world...It was the confidence that blossomed from it.
Bottom line-Men are are just as attracted to confidence as they are half naked barbies. Some men are intimidated by brains and confidence, but that doesn't stop them from wanting to be near it.
Now, I'm not telling you to let yourself go and if they don't like it, screw no, not what I'm saying at all...
To date, there are six men to every one female. Someone is always going to tempt your man. And men are visual creatures, so look good for them. Make yourself attractive, but carry it with confidence. Don't play the puppy dog. Men may say they like it, but it doesn't pose enough of a challenge to their caveman tendencies to hold them for long.
Remember...this is my opinion only. Hope it helps :)